Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Is It Just Me?

Lately I've been feeling very overwhelmed. I don't know if there have been too many extra activities, work is started to continually doubt my own feelings. I compare myself to other people (never a good idea) and say, "If they can do it, why can't I?" I think, "maybe there is something wrong with me". For so long, I have been crippled by fear.
Afraid of change (good or bad), afraid of the unknown, afraid of what people will think. My group video last night spoke about trusting yourself, and trusting God. If something doesn't feel right, it's not! My feelings are valid, more stressful than normal, or my priorities have changed.. But the other day I 'snapped'. I felt like I was failing at everything, and the things that I felt were most important weren't being accomplished. I needed change, and I couldn't take it anymore. It took me a while to get to this point, because I and I should not ignore them. I don't want to live in fear! Fear is the absence of faith, and I want to live faithfully.

Today I read a post that 'my' Pastor  recently wrote, where he talks about 'Becoming More'. His words were encouraging and helped me process through some of these feelings. He reminded me that "God works in and through us even when our lives feel paralyzed and futile. To become more doesn’t require “perfect” expressions of ourselves, it simply implies that we become more available and willing expressions of ourselves." Noticing & acknowledging my feelings of imbalance are a good step. Turning them over to God and being open to His will is an even better step. Sometimes I get caught up in the goal, and forget about the eventful journey to get there. When I look back at any road trips with my family growing up, I remember more about the conversations, games, stories, and laughter in the car rides than the actual destination. I want to enjoy the ride! 
I find a sense of peace & calm in the knowing that "No matter who we are, or what we are going through, we can know and experience Christ’s power at work in us." I don't know about you, but that makes me feel so empowered! I don't have to be a super hero, I just have to be me.
Pastor Brian noted "In this moment, yield your life expectations and circumstances to God. In faith, ask God for open doors of missional opportunity and allow the Holy Spirit to do the unthinkable in your life. Your life will be a source of hope to others as you become more today!" People are watching, thinking, and learning. Something that may have little significance to me may have large significance to someone else. Stop looking at the past or worrying about the future. Be present in this moment and feel the difference. I will try to be more aware and intentional. I don't have to move mountains, but the mountains will move.